Pokemon - FlipBird
It was a normal day. I was in Walmart looking for Pokemon FireRed because I had LeafGreen and wanted to complete the regional pokedex. However, when I was walked through Walmart I saw a game I didn't regonize; Pokemon: FlipBird Version. On the cover was a pidove.. but it was giving me the middle finger. WHAT?! Isn't pokemon for kids?! I was hyped, because I had always wanted an edgy bloody gory version of Pokemon, so I bought the game and brought it home to play. Little was I aware, that this would be a long and troublesome journey, involving self inserts, blood and gore, and of course, universe eating minccinos. Chapter 1 - HOLY CRAP I'M IN THE GAME The game begun normally, with the game freak logo appearing and a short intro sequence where all the regional birds flipped you off in the order they were revealed, besides pidove, who was saved for last. When pidove flipped you off, the title appeared, as well as the "press any button to start" button thing. Of course, I wanted to start, so I pressed A. It brought to me to a weird 3D cutscene thing, kinda like the ones in Black and White. It depicted a red ladybug creature which, after a while of staring, I made out to be a ledian, one of Johto's regional bugs. However it was really bloody, had crooked antennae, swollen eyes and had scars all over it. It a soft, hoarse voice it whispered "Before you read this story, please, leave now. It has no sex jokes that you kids are into these days, and is chock full of self inserts and cringe. There's lots of dead memes and inside jokes.. but now I need to run. The universe eating minccino is coming, it's going to eat us all, iT'S GOING TO EAT US ALL--" Right before she could finish her sentence, a large figure with glowing red eyes and sharp teeth, which vaguely resembled minccino, the chinchilla pokemon from Black and White, ate the ledian. There was a snapping sound as the entire console shut off. And then the screen broke, and before I could call someone to replace it, I felt the UEM (what the universe eating minccino will now be called for the ease of typing) bite down on my finger hard and pull me into my game console. Chapter 2 - HOLY CRAP EVERYTHING'S ON FIRE I woke up in the trunk of my car. I was still holding my game console, but it was still broken and I could see the UEM's eyes glaring me down through the broken screen. I was very scared, so I leaped out of the car and shoved the console inside the car. Then I closed the car's trunk. And then I saw two pokemon; an incineroar and a primarina. They were arguing over who was the best regional bird. The incineroar thought it was pikipek, while the primarina preferred fletchling. Then the primarina slapped the incineroar, and he started crying lava tears. Then everything was on fire. I was screaming really loud. An alolan raichu covered in cuts and bruises was crying in a bush. Everything was still burning. Then a hill in the distance started glowing. A crack formed in the mountain, and flying out of it came a minncinno. It was very far away, so I could only make out it's shape and piercing red eyes. Then the alolan raichu I mentioned five seconds ago charged in my face and I was knocked out. Then the floor was broken, and everyone fell into the floor. The UEM grinned. Only a little while until she can take over the Pokemon Trollpasta and Crappypasta Wikis... Chapter 3 - HOLY CRAP I'M IN A CAVE When I woke up, me and everyone else was in a cave. It was filled with blue crystals, which had pikipeks and fletchlings impaled onto them. It didn't effect me because I hated fletchlings and pikipeks, but it made the incineroar and primarina scream. And then a carbink appeared covered in bird blood. Naturally I slapped it, and it ran away crying. The incineroar glared at me, and then slapped me, which was enough to knock me across the room. "HEY! That was one of my party members!" Then the incineroar ran after the carbink. But when I hit the wall, the wall flipped around. I smelled something stinky, and then I saw it; three rotting wingull corpses... I screamed as loud as I have ever screamed, and started to run. But the wingull corpses reanimated, and chased me. They all used blood pulse, which is like water pulse but with blood, and it hurt really bad. I fell onto the floor. Then a sneasel came and dragged me away from the wingulls. The wingulls kept coming though, so an alolan raichu came and used charge beam on the wingulls. They exploded into blood and guts. "Thanks, guys!" I said, giving them the thumbs up. They nodded, and dragged me off. It was the most epic thing ever. Chapter 4 - HOLY CRAP EVERYONE IS DEAD So I was being dragged through the cave of crystals. There was blood everywhere; bloody minccino footprints, bloody bitemarks, bloody bones, bloody pokeballs, all the signs that the UEM had done some disposing of the other pokemon. Suddenly the pretty blue crystals turned blood red, just like the blood covering them since tiny pikipeks and fletchlings where impaled on them. Then all the corpses reanimated, and swarmed at us. The pikipeks drilled tiny holes into my flesh which bled a lot, and the fletchlings burnt off m limbs. But the alolan raichu used charge beam, which was enough to explode we. We kept on walking, but then, we heard a loud, bellowing "CAWWWWWW..." We turned around, and there were the reanimated corpses of a toucannon and a fletchinder. They were in even worse condition when the pikipeks, fletchlings and wingulls, since they had all their muscle exposed and bleeding everywhere, and they were crying their intestines out their eyeballs. The alolan raichu used charge beam a third time, aiming for both of them, but the toucannon was able to take the entire attack. It burnt a hole into it's stomach, but that hole quickly healed. It's beak was surrounded by bloody fire, meaning it was preparing a blood blast attack, which was beak blast but using organs. And then we were tackled with blood charge, which was like flame charge, but the flames were covered in blood and guts. The guts wrapped around our limbs, holding us all down. Then the toucannon used blood blast. Their was so much blood and organs we all were knocked out, and the entire cave collapsed. A few hours later, I woke up within the forest. I was covered in blood and organ covered boulders and crystals. Crystals were growing out of my body, and blood was everywhere, except my blood was crystallized into even more crystals. Basically my typing had changed from normal type to rock type. Since I was a rock type, I used my awesome powers to lift the boulders off me and get up. The forest was utterly destroyed; one, it was burnt to a crisp thanks to the incineroar's lava tears, the entire area nothing but a husk of what it once was, with all the grass seemingly transformed into piles of ash, and trees being so burnt they were nothing but charred logs, burnt so much they had been stained black. And second of all, the zombies from the cave had rampaged. The few pokemon who would have survived a large forest fire, mainly a lot of fletchlings and the occasional vulpix, were all dead. Their corpses were strewn about, with their organs scattered all around like happy little pieces of confetti to lighten the dark mood! :D The corpses were covered in blood, which reminded me of party punch, from all the blood-related attacks the zombies could dish out, and had organs holding down their limbs, most likely from the fletchinder's blood charge, and they reminded me of colorful little halloween props. I then convice myself this is just a really edgy halloween party and go off to jam with my cool kids! :3 Chapter 5 - HOLY CRAP IS THIS A PANIC AT THE DISCO (W.I.P.) Category:Blood Category:Gore Category:Satire